Stage 1: Initiating-
Summer was a new employee, Tom had noticed her and instantly fell in love. However, he was too afraid to do anything about it since his friend told him that she was a "pretty girl bitch." One day when the two of them happened to be in the same elevator Summer initiated the first time they spoke. Here is a clip of how the Innocent first stage of their relationship began. (only the first 25 seconds of this clip)
Stage 2: Experimenting- They begin to get to know each other and talk more privately at a work Karaoke function. They talk about music and see each other in the lime light as they each preform their chosen Karaoke songs. They begin openly talking about how each other feels about relationships and love. Summer says that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and likes being a free and independent woman. She says most marriages end in divorce now days, like her parents'. Love is just a fantasy. Tom thinks that she is wrong and believes that it is real. If Tom was listening to what she was saying that night he would have known that she did not want to be in any relationship and that she does not believe in love they way he does.
Stage 3: Intensifying
Tom and Summer's relationship intensifies when Summer initiates sexual relations. Tom was planning on not allowing himself to initiate sexual relations because she had mentioned previous that she was not interested in anything long term. However, what Summer wanted was different than what Tom thought Summer wanted. To intensify their relationship some more Summer initiated opening up her self to Tom and telling him some secrets and personal things about herself. Tom was very excited about this so he also began telling her his secrets. Tom really wanted the relationship to progress and was very excited with all of these new level that their relationship took on. Tom had also fallen in love with Summer at this point.
Here is an example of how happy exactly Tom was after they slept together.
This is a picture of them sharing their deep secrets and thoughts.
Tom in Love!
Stage 4: Integrating-
I feel that their relationship sort of skipped this step. I think that summer knew this step was approaching and that is why she would always say that she didn't want to have the label of boyfriend, girl friend. I think that Tom was in denial of the fact that this step was skipped, or that summer was avoiding it.
Stage 5: Bonding-
They never bonded at all. Tom made a comment to Summer about how he liked the way she dressed. Trying to agree with her and like the same things that she liked. When she never did the same for him.
Stage 6: Differentiating-
He made her a Cd with his favorite artist and mentioned that artist and Summer said she had never heard of it, and Tom frustrated that what was his favorite artist she had never even heard of. "It pains me to live in a world where people have never heard of spearmint!" said Tom. Summer, " I have never heard of them." Tom replied, "what I put them on that mix I made you." Tom wanted to bond and be one with summer so bad. Summer just didn't want that and never did.
Stage 7: Circumscribing-
Once after going to the movies Summer started crying and acting all quiet. Tom begged her to tell him what was wrong and she just said nothing and wanted to go home, even after he offered to make her pancakes to feel better. Summer never wanted to communicate to Tom. Tom always wanted to, but was too afraid because he knew that Summer did not want to and that was why she did not communicate to him.
Stage 8: Stagnating-
After meeting up one last time summer says, "I think we should just be friends." Tom shocked and upset by this tries to figure out what is going on. After she protests that she thinks its really ending Tom leaves in a hurry. Summer calls after him saying, " your still my best friend." This is what hurt him the most, just friends.
Stage 9: Avoiding-
Tom e-mails summer asking her on another date in hopes of winning her back. Summer replies that she can't this weekend, but maybe the next. She then throws in I hope this means that you are ready to just be friends. Tom really upset by this chooses to avoid her and not reply. A few days later they run into each other on a train. Tom once again chooses to avoid summer.
Stage 10: Terminating-
Tom is invited to a party that Summer is throwing. He goes to the party with high expectations. There he learns that it is Summer's engagement party. He leaves the party upset and from then on tries to forget about Summer and move on.
I think this movie is a good example of how relationships fail when communication is not happening. This is also I good example of needing to learn to listen to the opposite sex from the beginning. Summer told Tom up front that she was not looking for love and did not want a long term relationship. Tom should have listened to what she wanted and prepared himself for that. He should have known what he was getting into from the start.
Holding hands in Ikea, shower sex- that is not how you treat your friend!" Which clearly goes to show that he thought of physical things being on a more intimate level.
Their relationship probably would have never lasted. It was all one sided, Tom doing everything to make it work with Summer. In the end, Tom did not end up with his dream girl, but in the long run that is probably for the best. He now has a chance to find someone who will love him equally.
